what went down is now what's up...what's up?

Straight up, there's so much words going around in my head, I've been thinking and thinking and thinking, although it may come as a surprise to some you, I've also been thinking. point is, it's giving me a headache and i gotta let it out, here it goes-
yesterday, i was at Hp, i had the very last music class performance...for this week. and one guitarist in particular made it very awful.. i don't even believe that she was playing to the right songs, it was just off, others were off beat and the singers didn't quite sing their best. however the [musically-illiterate] crowd didn't seem to mind and thought it was an awesome performance, ground floor was practically full, and the 2 levels up we're pretty crowded, all in all, it was good. ....OH, and the drummer forgot to pack the hi-hats.
but that's not what i want to talk about, while at Hp, i got the chance to catch up with an old friend, a youth pastor. we had lunch, and spoke about life, ministry, God- 'twas a very insightful conversation.
some of you closest to me will know that's I've been struggling in one of the ministries I'm involved in, and up until yesterday i was very dead-on against the change that's happening.
now I'm not so sure. in this conversation, when we got to this topic the first point that was made was in regards to language vs. tradition. allow me to elucidate- as the years go by, language and mentality and the general way of doing things 'evolves' (if you will) different generations are attracted to different things and so it becomes somewhat of a guessing game for those in leadership, however, in this, each generation, each age group each audience has to be approached/taught differently- you can't explain something to a kid and expect him/her to relate to you as an adult would (basic example) holds monumental truth that in this case is overlooked in the particular ministry that I'm involved in. the other side of the argument is tradition. 'this always worked, let's keep doing it like this.' 'let's put a cross on the roof top of our church building that it may be identified as a church building.' I'm not quite sure how clear what I'm trying to show is, I'm trying to keep it as neutral as possible, i really am trying not to put by opinion into this.

Secondly, what leader's there are, are God appointed, and they are there because God allows it. and with that I'm sure there also comes God's instruction, with which i can't argue. i was humbled in that conversation yesterday, because i saw that in myself, i was leaning towards being traditional, and 'discerning' the type of leadership portrayed in this ministry, and to an extend, in honesty, i could even say that i was even a tad judgemental. who God has appointed to leadership is not my job to worry about or critique or divide, but in submission of higher authority, obey. be respectful; and honor.

Third point, is a goal. at the moment, for this ministry what's being aimed for i to 'keep momentum, help [them] learn and help [them] grow.' it's good, but i have yet to see it align with the church's [2020] vision. point is, there, there's a lack of unity. I'm only speaking of 2 ministries, both heading in similar directions.. The next part goes hand in hand with the third point and that is 'who am I?' what would seem an easy question to answer becomes difficult in context, the question proposed was 'are you a jack of trades or a master of 1?' meaning, like my resume, can i do a little bit of everything, good here and there, or am i outstanding in one area.
I'm spread.
I'm good to help out here and there, and the truth is I'm learning which is going to be my master 'trade' or ministry. and i truly wish i could answer that right now.
I'm working on finishing out, I've got dreams in my 'heart' that aren't mine, God gave them to me. there are doors opening for me in different areas that appeal to me, but i cannot yet be certain of my calling, see, i like all of these 'rooms' that the doors are opening to but i can't say there's 1 that I'm really passionate about. i haven't found a place that i want to make my focus, but i have an idea and I've made the choices that have allowed me to have mentors that have something, something that make me say 'I'm not sure quite sure what he's got, but he's got something and i want to have that too' (i don't mean that in coveting kinda way...) I've ended up with practically all of my closest friends, my peers, heading in a similar direction as i which i believe is a key importance for where I'm heading and also my feeding (preachings, teachings, sermons and stuff like resolved that i listen to and that other people get me to listen to. as well as books that I'm told to read, aside from my Bible, of course.)
the 'tips' my friend gave me were (a) write up a declaration, say it, proclaim it, confess it every day- because words have the power of life, power of change, words are powerful. as is (b) prayer. pray everyday, pray without ceasing, make life a prayer that constantly gets interrupted by sleeping, eating and other people. and finally, (c) a mentality shift. live out life as though it were (sensibly and reasonably) and live it for God, that you/i may be able to say "I've run the good race." and ran without regrets.

my friend told me a story to kinda finish what he was sharing with me, and i want to share it, but i won't. i leave it to you to ask me.

to end this blog i wish to state that although I've been enlightened to another perspective, i still hold fast my beliefs. I'm not as against the ideology of the leaders in this ministry as i was, however, i object and stand against many of their methods. there are so many things that could be done better and some things that just shouldn't be done at all for the the sake of the repercussion and outcome of whats going on now.

i don't see myself as passionate about any particular ministry, but i want to, i believe that when i do i will be able to align my passion with not only the goal of this ministry, or of the church but that I'll be aligned with what God wants. and that in turn will lead to harvest, and blessings that i will be able to revert and a bless others with- that it may become infectious, that it may expand and explode with mass momentum and raising passionate individuals on fire for God...

...The best is yet to come.

David E. C.